In love with love...

I’ve wanted to write about this for a long time, but admittedly found it hard. I have read for years that “you have to love yourself before you can love others”, and it hurt whenever I heard that, because I didn’t feel like I loved myself for so long. Yet I did not want that to negate all the love I felt for the people around me, for the world, for flowers, and trees, and clouds, for puppy dogs, and kitty cats – for even vultures and platypus… I had love in me… I had so much love in me. I knew I did. But what about that “fact” – that you have to love yourself first? If there was so much love inside me, then why couldn’t I turn it inward, and did the fact that I couldn’t do that really mean that all of that abundance of love I felt didn’t matter?

But finally I believe I realised what my heart was feeling, and what those words were telling me. The fact that my heart rebelled at being told I had to love myself first before I could love others – told me that I in fact DID. What I loved, what I clung to so hard for all those years during which I felt that I couldn’t deal with my life, the world around me, or all the faults I believed I had – was that I loved LOVE. I LOVED THE LOVE IN ME. I was so stubbornly attached, devoted, committed to being a loving person that finally I saw myself for that. And when I realised that the thing I valued most in the world was love – and that there was so much of that in me – that was the point when the healing began, and I slowly began to accept the rest of me. Love may not, in fact conquer all the ills in the world – nor even all the ills in my life, but it IS – without question – the greatest gift any of us could be given, and the one we must see and hold and cherish – within ourselves and within  others. It is my favourite thing to look for in other people. Over looks, talent, money, fame, status, ability, anything… love is what most defines a person


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Jessica DarkComment